Forgiveness through Faith

And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, "Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us." But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" And he answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs," But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish" Matthew 15:22-28 (NASB)

I have had such a hard time with this blog post. I find my thoughts becoming difficult to express, yet I feel the Lord has been pulling me towards this for months and so I type and retype. I think part of the difficulty I am having is that the topic he has put on my heart is forgiveness, not only our forgiveness of others, but also how we should seek forgiveness. We usually hear and speak of how we need to forgive someone for hurting us, followed by the words "but I don't know if I can," or "but I don't know how." Yet we seldom hear or say the words, "I need to ask for forgiveness." To ask someone for forgiveness is one of the most humbling acts. It is easy to be angry, it is so very hard to quiet our pride and ask for forgiveness. Especially in a world where daily we are bombarded with examples of pride, anger, and hatred. Where it is more accepted to be offended easily and by almost everything than to be forgiving. Where humbleness, faith, and forgiveness are not the 'norm.' Yet, we are not called to fit in, we are called to stand out. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

You may wonder what forgiveness has to do with the above verse. I am sure a lot of us have read this verse before and been in awe of the miracle performed by our Lord. Yet, When I came across Matthew 15:22-28 a couple of months ago I immediately began to cry. This woman was essentially referred to as a dog by our Lord and Savior, but she had a much different reaction than most of us would have had. Would you have humbled yourself and responded in a way that said "yes I am, but please give me the crumbs from the table" or would you have angrily said something as equally offensive in return and stomped away? You may be thinking "He is Jesus, of course I would humble myself!" Yet, what outside of faith in that moment and time worked in her heart to allow her to see who He was and is? Think about the world we currently live in. How pride filled we tend to be as humans, how quickly we become offended, and how the anger brought on by being offended destroys not only the relationships we see, but also steals the Blessings we do not see. It may not be Jesus we are encountering, but the person we become angry with, the person we are offended by and refuse to forgive, the person we remove from our life; he or she may have been sent in to our lives by Him. Our Lord may have a beautiful gift to give you through that person that you are pushing away due to anger and pride.

The day I read Matthew 15:22-28 I wept because I thought about myself as a mother and I saw immediately the way that my anger and my pride was hurting my son. I was depriving him from a crucial relationship in his life because I had convinced myself I was "protecting" him from future rejection and hurt. The reality however is that I was angry, unforgiving, and was protecting myself from what I perceived would be future rejection and hurt. How very selfish of me. I was keeping a Blessing from my son because I could not humble myself. Now my son is so in love with his paternal grandmother that "mow-mow" is one of the first things he says everyday and asks us to call her daily so he can talk to her.

I think that is where we fail as human beings. We expect perfection from others without realizing we fall far from perfection ourselves. We think "I am just being helpful," or "I would never do that," or "if he/she would just listen to me and do it my way everything would be better for him/her." While we are being "helpful" with these thoughts we don't see that the actions we deem helpful may actually be hurtful to the one we are trying to help. If conflict comes from this thinking, what would be your honest response? Would your response be to see your part in the conflict and ask for forgiveness or would your instinct be to say "I was just trying to be helpful, he/she owes me and apology and until I get one I am done with him/her." I remember being angry with my mother and pushing her away for years because she was in a relationship in which there was domestic violence.

Here is what I see now. My step-father was broken, he himself was the victim of abuse and a soldier that survived the atrocities of the Vietnam war. When he had too much to drink he would lose himself. Outside of those moments he was a father and a husband, he was caring, loving, funny, and supportive. My mom was suffering a lot because she loved him and wanted to stay, but she feared him in those moments and wanted to protect us. Instead of loving them through it I became angry and bitter. Yes, I was young and did not understand many things, but I see now that my anger did not fix anything, my bitterness did not help in anyway, and my distance all those years only hurt my mother more. Their relationship did end eventually. My mom forgave my step-dad before the marriage was even over and they remained friends until the day she died. He and I forgave each other and he was there in the hospital sleeping on the waiting room floor the day my son was born. Forgiveness gave me a dad, a perfectly imperfect,but loving dad and gave me some wonderful, adventure filled years with my mom before our Heavenly Father called her home.

There are those that hurt us without the slightest bit of regret, out of hate, or out of mental illness so severe they are dangerous. Even they deserve forgiveness. Why? Faith! We are taught to forgive as Jesus forgave us, there is a reason He asks that of us. Imagine what type of human we would become if we were to carry every hurt, every bit of anger, every bit of bitterness, if it was our job to be judge and jury. What a heavy burden on our hearts. We would surely be crushed by the weight of it all. So He says, have faith...forgive...trust ME. He is not however saying that you have to accept someone in your life that is abusive or dangerous. He is only asking you to trust Him, forgive that person, be filled with peace, and move on. There are those I have forgiven in the past and that I hope have forgiven me who are no longer a part of my life or I a part of theirs.

Since reading this scripture I have asked for forgiveness many times, I have also forgiven a lot. Neither did those I asked to forgive me tell me I needed to ask for it, nor did I tell those I forgave that I needed them to ask, we simply forgave. Forgiveness is not easy, it is not easy to ask for forgiveness when the fear that you may be rejected is there or the shame of what you did or said is silencing you and it is not easy to forgive those that hurt us. They may need to forgive us over and over before they are filled with the peace forgiveness brings and you may need to forgive over and over again before you are filled with that peace. In the end though isn't that where faith comes in? Jesus forgave you and continues to forgive you, forgive us. He died for us, for the forgiveness of our sins! How can we in turn be so proud, so angry that we cannot forgive our brother, sister, mother, father, cousin, grandparent, friend, or stranger? "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10 (NIV)

I had someone once tell me that Jesus was not perfect and used this scripture as an example. The person felt that by calling this woman a dog He was showing a flaw. I disagree. I believe everything Jesus did and said during His time on earth was done with wisdom, preciseness, and well thought out intent. I see Matthew 15 22:28 as a perfect example of forgiveness, humbleness, and faith the way the Lord intends. Sit and read this scripture and look past the miracle, see the faith, see the forgiveness, see the love in that moment then look at your life, is there anyone you need to forgive? Is there anyone you need to ask forgiveness from? Go forth in love and in total faith in our Savior, not in anger and pride. Above all remember that we are perfectly imperfect and we cannot expect perfection from others when we are not perfect ourselves. God Bless!

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, " I tell you not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

**Please understand that I am in no way condoning domestic violence, I am merely sharing a small part of my family's experience. I realize everyday how lucky the women in my life who have experienced domestic violence are to have been able to walk away. Everyday women die at the hands of their spouse or partner, if you are in a physically violent relationship please seek help and leave immediately. If you need help you can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or (TTY for deaf) 1-800-787-3224**